Open Your Eyes My Love.

Open your eyes
My love
And see beyond
What separates us.
It is so lonely
Without your
Firm
And gentle gaze
Upon all
That I am.
Open your hands
My sweet
And accept the beauty
I give.
Let me feel
The endless warmth
Of your heart
In your
Ethereal touch.
Open your mouth
My darling
And taste the future
That still exists.
Do not yearn
For what was lost
And hide
Under covers
Hiding your beauty
From world that needs it.
Open your ears
My precious one
And hear the song
Of endless love.
Forever it shall sound
High among the stars
In a song of the universe
That exists in
A time
Beyond time–
In worlds
Beyond worlds.
Open your eyes
My love
And know that I
Will always be there for you
Even if you cannot see me.
Open your eyes
And see the world
That lives
Breathes
Exist
Around you–
Can you see me now?

The Chase

Reality is so frustrating
When it comes to lust and love.
There are so many voices of wisdom
But not enough single thoughts.
Falling in love
Is not like the books,
And it’s not even the whole thing.
It comes with the Chase,
Of flirtations
Shy smiles
And constant
Catching ups
So many
That by the time
You’ve caught up ten times
It’s not even a catch up
Anymore!
But is it a date?
Are the things you feel
The prelude of love?
Tongue tied
Clammy hands
Inability to speak
Goldfish mouths?
The constant waiting
The fretting
The wondering if he’ll text
Much less call.
The sudden change…
Is that normal?
Are we loved?
Much less, liked?
Should we chase?
Is it odd to want…
Even though we’re not sure
If we’re just becoming a nuisance?
Why can’t our mouths
Say the things that should be said the most?
Why can’t they open and say…
It’s over
Let’s be friends
We were wrong
I’m sorry for avoiding you
There’s no such thing
As a ‘polite’ answer.
Even if it hurts,
Honesty
Heals
The wounds it carves.
There is no honour,
In circles
Entrapped forever
In a loop that never ends.
The chase
Can last a long time
And can end in a moment
Who has the right to fight
Belongs to the strong
To the lion at heart
And not for those
Who cannot bear it
This burden.
Man or woman
You carry the sword,
You cannot falter,
And must choose wisely
Put aside all your shame
And pieces of foolish pride,
And chase hard and fast
Follow the wildness in your heart
But do not lose sight of your dignity…
There is only so much…
If they love you back
You will know it
If they want you just as much
You will know it
But this is a game
A chase
An adult’s playground…
It’s a two way street
Give and take.
Not for the faint hearted,
And only for the persevering
This human dating game
Of Chase.

[N.b] inspired as I was about to drift off, so please excuse any typos!

Women Are Fickle

Women are fickle

When it comes to men.

We are prideful

And shameless,

About those we love.

We are happy

When with you,

And sad when

We’re not.

We take your word as gold

And learn how to melt it

To our own desires.

Women are just fickle

Like that,

As we try

And not be so overbearing

When really we aren’t,

We are just thinking

Of the greater good—

Mostly.

When we want—

You better take,

Because when it’s gone,

We don’t look back.

We are your everything,

And yet—

We are also nothing,

Playing seesaw with the moods

Of your heart.

We love your attention,

And feel neglected

When it’s gone.

We respect your space,

As you respect ours.

But we love to be reminded

Every so often that you haven’t died

In the meantime.

Women are fickle,

Loving and hating,

Wanting and needing,

Distant and cautious,

Always thinking,

Always wondering,

If we are good enough for you.

And if we’re not—

We don’t need to be told twice,

For we have our pride,

And there are always men to love—

Another man to love,

Who appreciate us,

The way we should be appreciated;

Who can stem our fickleness,

Hold our attention,

And steal our hearts.

There Is A Song.

There is a song

Going round

And round

In my head.

There are notes

Being strung

One by one

Two by two

Three in time

With each other.

There is a feeling

Spreading like wildfire

Running through my veins

Singing in my ears

Beating the hard,

Iced heart in my chest,

Cracking,

Splitting

Shattering.

It explodes with a roaring burst

Setting fire to the soul,

Inflaming the core,

Cultivating a corpus

A repertoire

Of words that exceeds

The word of mouth,

The glistening light in the eyes,

The gesture of the hands…

I know what I want,

But I hold back,

And the song swells mournfully

In my head,

Speaking unreason

And reason

Two words at a time,

Soothing

Screaming

Right

Wrong

Hesitant

Fearful

When I should be fearless,

When,

All I have to do…

Is reach out my hand

And reach for the stars,

And hear the song

That is forever going on

And on

In my head,

In my heart,

Filling my very soul

Until I have you,

Right here,

In front of me,

Mine.

The Things in My Heart

I have a thousand things I want to ask

Whenever I look at you,

Whenever we talk,

Whenever I feel like I can relax

With you.

I want to ask,

What are we?

I want to ask,

Did you do this with your ex?

I want to ask,

Do I bore you?

I want to ask,

If I’m imagining this all?

I have a thousand things I want to ask,

Whenever you pay for my food,

Whenever you take me out,

Whenever you drive me home,

And I hold back,

Not sure what to do,

Not sure if I’m reading it right,

Not sure.

I am afraid,

That this is just what friends do

These days.

I am afraid,

That this is just what is considered normal

These days.

I am afraid,

That I might just be using you.

Am I wrong?

I have a thousand things I want to ask,

Whenever we talk,

Whenever I get your message,

Whenever I feel insecure.

I can’t help it,

This feeling in me,

That isn’t anything much at all,

And yet can’t be considered nothing

To take note of on the whole.

I have a thousand things I want to ask,

That shouldn’t be so hard to ask,

If I just open my mouth,

And ask.

But I am afraid of making that mistake,

So perhaps I shouldn’t ask,

The thousand things that sit in my heart.

A Dying Passion.

The tears of distress

Awash me whole;

They flow undoubtedly,

Flowing evermore;

Encase me,

Suffocate me,

Strangle my throat,

Bogging it up.

I’m falling,

I’m failing,

I can’t find the place in my heart

To express the words I want to say,

There’s a pit of darkness,

And coil of something tight,

Squeezing in on me,

Pressingly.

I want to cry

I want to scream

I want something to take away this pain,

This uncomfortable feeling of unease

The butterflies in my stomach

That churn and pool and flap away.

I have a thousand words to say,

I don’t know how to express

What shouldn’t need to be spoken

But understood with a glance,

I cannot want to drown

In this tormenting

Overflowing

Feelings.

And just when I think I am free,

I am unfettered

Unchained by the chains that bind me

By the obligations that hold me

That turns love into hate

Passion into pain

And I feel the urge, that I have never…

Ever…

Wanted to feel….

It’s so sudden,

But all I want…is to painlessly drain away this pain,

This self-hatred,

This overwhelming desire.

I want to speak what’s on my mind,

Speak as I have never spoken before,

It shan’t be easy,

It shan’t be a wonderful sight,

But though love has turned to hate,

I’m sure one day,

I shall regain this love of mine,

And fine that old passion,

For surely, it’s not too late.

Wonders of the World

I think of the wonders of the world,

I think about the ancient wonders,

The modern wonders,

The technological,

But then,

I realise,

However amazing they are,

They are not what I was thinking of at all.

I’m thinking of the wonders,

Not made of stone,

Of steel,

Of copper wire,

But wonders of the heart,

Of the people we meet,

Of the very belief

That we live in a world of something so much more.

The seven wonders,

Beautiful and bright,

Within my sights

I can see with my eyes,

The things that change the world,

One action at a time.

My ears fill with the sounds

Of happiness, sadness,

Laughter, and needs for anger management,

They scream at loud noises,

And lull to the silence,

It roars,

The silence roars,

And then it settles,

Becoming a bumble,

Of sound and voices,

And I touch,

With my fingers,

The sights that touch me,

And the sounds that sing to me,

I touch, and feel

The hot and the cold,

The brittle and the hard,

And taste what it means

To be alive,

Living and breathing,

Existing and feeling,

It tastes like freedom,

Bitterly sweet,

And that I feel,

This bitterness,

I can’t help but feel,

But I don’t complain,

And complain beyond doubt,

Because I know,

That this is something I can feel,

Even though I might doubt,

This bitterness,

I cannot deny that I do not feel it

Just as I cannot deny the laughter

That escapes upon intervals,

Bubbling and boiling,

Spilling over and uncontrollable,

Spreading, until it blooms

In the centre of one chest,

The feeling of love

For the incomparable,

Things, that make us humans,

Go beyond our very natures

To be the very best we can…

For those we love,

The sights that we adore,

The sounds that we hear,

Within the silence of our thoughts,

The touch of hot,

And cold, the taste

Of the feelings we retain,

That makes us laugh

And sometimes cry,

We are humans,

Tore by own affliction,

Growing,

Day by day,

By the seven wonders

Of our hearts.

 

 

N.b.  I had a little issue writing this…no offense to those I may cause offense to unintentionally as I realise that maybe not all of us have the pleasure of seeing, hearing and feeling what my poem discussing.  This makes me feel somewhat troubled, but I wanted still to express how I felt about the world.

Endless Knight. Kresley Cole.


16175040Endless Knight
by Kresley Cole

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

First off, I totally don’t love this cover much. Yes I like the colour. Yes I like the girl (Evie) in white, and Death, so obviously in black. But I dunno, I feel like the eyebrows on the guy don’t do him justice. My favourite part of the cover is the back of the novel. The guy on the back is totally my impression of Jack. Much better than the one on Poison Princess! See:

And now….to the review.

Endless Knight begins right where it left off in Poison Princess where Jack is gaping at Evie in belief right after she annihilated the Alchemist.

Of course Jack is obviously repulsed, and for a good fifty pages or so, he avoids her. But yet, after it turns out that he stole the Alchemist’s recording of her story, that he realises all that she’s been through. Okay so yeah, Evie’s privacy has been invaded again – I always did think it was a little creepy that Jack stole things that belonged to her so that he could find out more. BUT, it totally makes sense a little later on in the story, and not as creepy as it seems when Evie discovers that Jack’s obsession and apparent insta-love for Evie was actually stemmed from something else.

Which brings me to the fact that, one of the reasons I had disliked Poison Princess (one of the few, I should add), was because there were too many coincidental events, like Evie’s mum dies in time for them to leave, and so on. So I had my eyebrow rising on the bs meter a little. But yet, when you read from a well seasoned writer, you find that your questions are answered as you read. In Endless Knight, the me who was a little unconvinced about bits and pieces of book 1, was convinced in this one. And then the questionable me, discovered that there were even more questions than anwers rising in this installment. Which, I’ll bet, will be revealed in Dead of Winter.

As for the plot. It’s riveting as Poison Princess. And it also is lulling. You lull a lot of the time, which is a little different to Poison Princess where you were on your feet avoiding baggers most of the time. But in this one, there’s a massive lull period, because where else has Evie landed herself, except at Death’s house?

We all knew as readers that there was something between Death and Empress. It wasn’t as evident in Poison Princess, but it was very clear in Endless Knight. As the title of the story reflects, this is Death’s story. Poison Princess is about Evie, her powers and her past. But Endless Knight is about the Empress’s past with Death, and Death himself. It was all very touching, smoking and smexy, and when plot twists are revealed about Jack, there’s a whole lot more Death and Evie time than there is Jack and Evie.

But before I get to the part about romances, I want to talk about the world. The world in the novel is apocalyptic with baggers (zombies), cannibals, and a raging, brutal army. I’m not going to judge the world on plausibility, because helloooo~ I haven’t even lived through an apocalypse yet, so who am I to judge? So this world is more of a fantasy for me. I already mentioned how cool I thought the idea of a story based around Arcana was. They even play Tarocchi in the book – you know Tarot cards weren’t always specifically for fortune telling, right? They were also used as a trick card game. Anyway. So I love the world Cole has built. I love the whole Arcana cards idea, and I think it’s cool. I think she’s done a great job building the world and telling the reader bits and pieces about what has happened and why. I also like the game. There’s a really strong foundation for the story to be told. Which adds to the excitement, fear and thrill of both book 1 and 2. Sure, I still have a ton of questions, but I’ll wait for them to be answered.

The romances. Hm, I don’t like love triangles. Most of the time in YA they’re completely unnecessary and totally flimsy. What I like about the love triangle in Endless Knight kind of reminds me of the love triangle – however sudden it was – in Eona: The Last Dragoneye. It’s the type where there’s the guy around the same age as the protagonist who’s been with them for most of the story, and then there’s the other guy who’s slightly older, and has a history with the protagonist from a previous incarnation(s). So, essentially, both have really strong ties to the protagonist. And therefore, I don’t hate this love triangle much. Most likely because Evie still loves Jack by the end of Endless Knight, even though she does admit, she feels some love for Death.

But the problem I had was, once Evie has the dream about that final betrayal against Death, the dream is very cold and collecting. It makes everything afterward seem a little awkward for me, because Evie is guilty over the fact that she betrayed him, but I couldn’t help but think: it wasn’t that much of a betrayal when your past life did it, and you haven’t yet. But I’ll give Cole tops for creating an incredibly constant and empathetic character in Evie. Which is also probably why Evie is more susceptible to Death as she learns about him. Becuase unlike her previous reincarnations, she has learnt about the tarot or the game since she was a child.

Death is a really fascinating character. And though he is supposed to be evil, he to me did not seem evil at all. Just calculating. He was self-preserving, making decisions based on what would save his life. He is cold and he is a little heartless, but he is lonely. In many ways I do kind of like him more than Jack, because Jack is a big asshole to Evie a lot. Particularly in book 1. But of course, he would always try to save her and protect her, becuase he does truly love her in spite of everything, secrets and all. But Death, Death is suspicious and obsessed with Evie – the Empress – he loves her and hates her at the same time, mainly because she is the only person he can touch, when he can touch no one else. They spend a lot of time together during the second half of the novel, and there’s plenty of time for Evie to get to reknow Death. And she does bit by bit. During the day, there’s so much sexual tension between them, mainly on Death’s part, but also on Evie’s. But during the night, and this is where I got a little confused, because I got the idea that Death and the Empress didn’t get to have sexual relations, yet. During the night, Evie dreams of her past with Death, dreams that were given to her by Matthew, she dreams about sexual things related to death, though now that I think about it, it never did go past kissing – just really intense, hot kisses.

The romance bits with Jack though, happen at the start of the novel before she’s a captive of Death. Once he gets over his shock at Evie’s transformation, they talk things over, and well eventually sleep together. Yep, it’s actualy sex in a YA novel. Not explicitly graphical like in an erotica, but definitely enough details that it can’t really be called vague either. But then we don’t see Jack and the rest of Evie’s crew for the rest of the story once she’s in Death’s lair.

Overall I am babbling on too much about nothing, hopefully this review in some way makes sense and makes the book appealing, because in my humble opinion, it’s definitely worth reading. It’s enjoyable. It has a decent plot. The love triangle is smexy. Relationships are in depth not just thrown in and allied lol. It’s intriguing and I can’t wait to read the next installment!

View all my reviews

What Happens to Us?

What happens to us?

Even though we are in love,

What happens to us?

We know everything about each other,

But yet there are so many secrets,

We have known each other for so long,

Yet, not really very long at all,

We love each other very much,

But yet why, why does it feel like,

We will fall apart at the lightest touch?

What will happen to us,

In this small moment of heartbreak,

When we realise just how much,

We’ve hurt each other in the end.

It was so subtle, hidden behind smiles,

In those rare moments,

Where we saw each other.

It’s when we part,

And forget to say what should have been said,

It’s when we part,

That we think on one side or another,

That we will last,

But on the other,

It’s not like that at all.

The feelings are still there,

And they still matter,

But between all the pain,

All the hurt and heartbreak,

Can we still be what we once were?

What happens now?

When I want to stay with you,

What happens to us?

Can we make it last?

I look at you,

And see something,

I did not see before.

Once before,

I might have just

Let us fall apart

At the slightest touch.

Love does not come as a given,

But grown over time,

It takes work and effort,

And boundless forgiveness

For the faults that can be forgiven.

I have said my piece,

It’s time for yours,

How do you feel?

Is it true?

We are two,

Finding a way to work the answer

Of

What happens to us.

Your Hand On My Back.

There are words I cannot say,

I open my mouth,

And I shape them,

But there is no sound.

I stand on the cliff edge,

And try to scream,

But all I hear,

Is the birds calling in place,

Where my voice should be.

I cannot scream,

Even though,

I want to scream.

I feel the tears,

Of frustration,

Falling,

Where there is no voice,

To voice the pain,

And anguish,

I can cry,

But only the blue,

Blue sky is witness,

To the sorrow that has filled my heart.

Cry,

Cry,

Scream.

I can’t scream.

I can only move my mouth,

I can only try,

And try,

And try.

You find me,

At my worst,

Huddled under the clear blue sky,

Crying in frustration,

Unable to speak the words,

I so desperately want to say.

And your hand,

Just your hand,

On my back,

Reminds me in that moment,

That I am not alone.

 

Of Love and Hate.

We are enthralled by the eyes,

Of a man who loves us entirely.

We are enthralled by the sweet words,

Of a man who catches our eyes.

We are enthralled by the heat,

The explosion of energy that sparks between us.

We are just a woman,

And a man,

We are just a girl,

And a boy,

We are just two people,

Falling in love,

At a flash of a moment,

Unable to conquer,

This endless desire.

It draws from us our silliness,

We trip, we fall, we say something stupid,

We get embarrassed, we turn around, we walk away,

We so badly want to touch her,

To touch him,

We know we can’t.

Because there’s this line between us,

So fine, it separates the difference,

Between love and hate.

We are unique beings,

With our own desires and wants,

We are separate individuals,

Moving at our own pace,

We are two people in love,

Looking for a way to exist side by side,

In an endless romance,

That is untouched by that fine line,

Of love and hate.

In love is like loving,

Loving where the heart is open,

Open to that other person,

Accepting, and believing,

Believing, that it is possible,

To love more than hate

The flaws that create

That fine line

Of love and hate.

 

A Summer Past.

Hard to believe,

That you’re really here,

Watching over me,

Catching me as I fall,

Holding me high when I cry,

Embracing my happiness,

As the days go by,

I miss the summer heat,

That sizzled once,

Twice,

No three times,

Between us,

During that summer past,

Burning between us,

Intensifying the days,

That went by,

Day after day,

Night after night,

It was a summer past,

A summer unforgotten,

But a summer set,

Past—lost.

Hard to believe,

How much one can love,

In a brief shining moment,

One summer long,

Til the leaves began to fall,

And the sun lost its shine,

We were still in love

Embraced in each other’s arms,

Not counting the days gone.

What was once a summer love,

Became a summer past,

Stashed in memories,

For the endless winter days.

Hard to believe,

It had once been,

Once was,

Once gone,

With you watching over me,

From beyond,

Unreachable—at the tips of my fingers,

I clutch tight, to the days of

A Summer Past.

Quote #138

Albert CamusFrom Albert Camus…

“You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life.”

Through the Summer Rain, I Finally See You.

 

I feel the summer rain, cascading all around me.  The steam rises from the concrete, sizzling, dehydrating, rehydrating, existing as a wall between you and I.  I see you for the first time.  You are standing, watching, waiting for me, hand forward longingly.  We are worlds apart, separated, until I too leave the rain behind.

 

Love In Secret.

I wrote a letter,

And signed it with a heart,

Posting it in your locker,

Mail box,

Under your door,

And ran away for another day.

 

I watch you from afar,

Laughing til your sides hurt,

Slapping the back of your best friend,

Shaking their hands until it’s numb,

Knowing that it’s another experience,

Another happiness just being there.

 

I confess to you,

A hundred times in my sleep,

Opening my heart,

To reach yours,

Across the moonscape, telling,

Without telling, how much I love you.

 

I see you walking beside me,

My friend of old years,

And long years, sharing your secrets,

Hugging me, kissing me,

Not knowing of my pain,

Thriving, swelling in my heart.

 

I kiss you when you’re sleeping,

Put roses in your shoes,

And sweet nothings next to your breakfast,

With my hope

That you will have,

A beautiful, lovely amazing day.

 

I am your stalker,

Your lover and lover’s greatest fear,

I mean no harm with what I do,

But trust me on this,

I will watch you always,

From afar, loving—

With this love in secret.

The Weight.

I can’t breathe to save my life,

But as you fall

From heavens above,

Like a drop of water,

Falling straight down,

Unwavering in the descent,

Untouched by the wind,

I lie in wait,

Unable to breathe,

The breath squeezed from my chest,

I can’t breathe to save my life,

Watching the fall

Of wingless bird,

That does not struggle

From her fate,

But merely taking

All the weight,

Of a painful burden.

I can’t breathe to save my life,

But I feel the burden in my chest,

Weighing down with regret,

As I watch a bird

And angel, merge as one,

Falling,

Falling,

Falling,

To where I lay,

Unable to breathe,

Unable to save myself,

And yet,

Somehow I strive forward,

With arms, figurative

Open wide,

Flinging away the weight,

From you and I.

I can’t breathe to save my life,

But for you,

Altruistic and kind,

I will catch your burden,

Take it from you,

And save you,

When I know,

I cannot breathe to save my life.

“Seduction”

Is the deepest secret,

Born from deadly desire.

Roses, back, falling

And feathers down

Fluttering,

Gently,

Sharp like an arrow head.

Stab me,

Take me,

As I take your love,

Our of pure joy,

Pleasure

And seduction.

Pull away the wings

Shred and tear,

Scar and maim,

Leaving marks of dark

Disdain.

I am seduction,

Enticed beyond merriment

And mindless pleasure

For the sake of yearning.

Inspired by:

Hush, Hush (Hush, Hush, #1)

I Am Me, You Are You.

 

I am me,

You are you,

We are one,

We are two.

Where we go,

What we see,

Takes time,

For both,

You and me.

We are three,

Searching for four,

Finding five,

Lost in six.

I am me,

You are you,

Lost in love,

Scared of lust.

One is finding,

Two is changing,

Three is looking,

Four is deciding.

I am me,

You are you,

Can’t we be,

Just two and three?

Uniquely different,

Separated by one,

Following each other,

Going forward,

Chasing back.

I am me,

You are you,

Let’s find a way

To be,

Who we are,

In a world

Of ones and zeros.

 

 

Quote #116

Dorothy ParkerFrom Dorothy Parker

“By the time you swear you’re his,
Shivering and sighing.
And he vows his passion is,
Infinite, undying.
Lady make note of this —
One of you is lying.”

Quote #115

Robert A. Heinlein

 

 

From  Robert A. Heinlein, (Stranger in a Strange Land)…

“Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.”