There Is A Song.

There is a song

Going round

And round

In my head.

There are notes

Being strung

One by one

Two by two

Three in time

With each other.

There is a feeling

Spreading like wildfire

Running through my veins

Singing in my ears

Beating the hard,

Iced heart in my chest,




It explodes with a roaring burst

Setting fire to the soul,

Inflaming the core,

Cultivating a corpus

A repertoire

Of words that exceeds

The word of mouth,

The glistening light in the eyes,

The gesture of the hands…

I know what I want,

But I hold back,

And the song swells mournfully

In my head,

Speaking unreason

And reason

Two words at a time,







When I should be fearless,


All I have to do…

Is reach out my hand

And reach for the stars,

And hear the song

That is forever going on

And on

In my head,

In my heart,

Filling my very soul

Until I have you,

Right here,

In front of me,



There is hope it seems….

He looks up, the tear that had once slid down his cheek now slid up, slowly and disbelievingly.  His blue eyes looked up to the heavens, as clear as the water that pooled around him.  The sky was parting above him.  Opening its pillow soft folds like the ribbons of icing on top of a cake being pushed against its grain.

All around him the world was crying backwards.  Raining upside down.  Returning life’s drink to its giver, creator, maker.  All the while, the girl who lay where he knelt remained as still as a carving.

His hand lay on her chest, the other supporting him as he leant back in undisguised awe.

Not so long ago he had her in his arms, alive, breathing.   They’d been drenched from swimming in the lake.  He’d had his arms around her waist, her small waist, and his forehead against his.  She was his love, his one and only.  Not beautiful, not ugly, but her heart as pure as gold.  The way she looked up at him with those brown eyes, set in a face not remarkable at all.  But there she was, looking at him, sharing his breath, breathing with him, all while they were in the water.

It was sin for him to be this way.  He was her guardian.  Her protector, and yet, through sheer coincidence and much protection, he had fallen in love with her.  His sweet angel.  His hands held her cheeks, and brushed away her tears.

He had whispered, “You’re mine.”  Possession had never been the intention, he hadn’t known that love could be possessive.  It was raw to him.  New to him, but he liked it.  He liked her, he liked everything that said her.  Did they, they who were his masters say that he should not, cannot fall in love?  Was he not an angel of goodness?  Did he not do everything when asked?

He held her close and said, “I love you.”

They sat what felt like hours in the day.  The sun beat down on their fair skins but neither of them had cared.  Just like she didn’t care that her dress was soaked, or that he was shirtless.  She hadn’t cared.  What she’d cared about were his wings.

Great arches of whiteness that extended from his shoulders.  They had wrapped around them in the water.

The water didn’t ripple.  It wasn’t cold either.

His hand was always much bigger than hers and he always enjoyed catching her small hands.

She’d known always that they weren’t destined to be happy.  They love she’d said was destined to be a tragedy, if they didn’t stop.  But in the water, she’d looked up at him with those eyes and she knows, just as he knows that they could never be a part.  They loved each other.  He knew it was better to stop this now.

“We’ll always be together,” she said, even though the knowledge was in her eyes.  He knew that she couldn’t be selfish.  She was always altruistic, it was why she was given a guardian angel in the first place.

“But you are my guardian angel.  I cannot compromise your duty, as you cannot compromise mine.”

Even as she said it, he could feel his blessing-given heart breaking.  Did his master not want his warrior guardians to be happy too? Was he selfish for thinking so?  He held her small shoulders.  And ran circles with his thumbs.

There was never a moment more where he felt so selfish.  He was an angel, an angel of the deity, but also, he was a guardian angel.  His duty was to protect.  His path was not love.  But here she was.

Was true love selfish?

“I’m thinking of communing with him to change my guardian angel.”

The world from below his feet then.  He didn’t want to lose his duty.  But the Master would give her what she asked, then call him into question.

But he was always watching.

The Master had always asked for hope from his guardian angels.  He had always said that hope is what they should give, if there was anything ever to be given.

But he could not give hope to her.  He knew as she knew that they needed the master’s blessing.  But the Master would not give his guardian angel a blessing if his guardian angel was the one to blame.  She was the golden girl.  Pure and simple.

She had needed a guardian not a lover. And he had failed her.  Why was that wrong?

[I wrote this story a long time ago, and reading over it, I find it questions something others might find either offensive or disagreeable, sooooo I’m sorry if  I do offend someone because it might infer religion and religious views. Please don’t take it personally, I just wanted write an innocent story about a girl and her protector who promises to protect eternally, yet in the end, cannot.  I wanted to write a story about reality, the ups and downs.  I hope you enjoyed it. ]

Quote #95

Lady Gaga


From Lady Gaga…

“Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams. If you’re wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn’t love you anymore.”


Is taking the mickey out of someone you care,

Because you loved them to pieces,

To the point of teasing, and flirting,

Like a monkey bouncing to and forth,

Purely for fun, purely for love.

The Time Travellers.

He travels through time,

Unceasingly, gathering knowledge,

Turning the time in his hand.


She travelled through time,

Once too often, seeking for someone,

Turning the time around her wrist.


He travels through time,

Becoming a genius,

Aware that he is lacking something.


She travelled through time,

Following her heart,

To the centre of the universe.


He travels through time,

Being drawn by an unforeseeable force,

Controlled by a desire.


She travelled through time,

Clutching her wrist,

Her heart out of control.


He travels through time,

Stopping every year,

Looking left and right.


She travelled through time,

Unbeknownst to her,

That she was searching for that someone.


He travels through time,

His hands itching,

Knowing he’s close.


She travelled through time,

And then she stopped,



He travels through time,

His heart suddenly breaking,

He clutches it.


They travel through time,


That they were passing each other.


They travel onwards,


Constantly looking, drawn by some force.


They travel forever,

Forever time travels,

Ageless and age old.


They travel eternally,

Looking for each other,

Drawn by fate, never reaching.



Is incurable, yet constant,

To the extent of heartbreak,

And disappointment of missing, it is painful,

Painless, to watch from afar,

The source of my feelings, that explode.

Autumn Darkness.


The sky darkens earlier, and the rain pours more frequently.  The sun shines and moods fade easily.  Going to work, going to uni, walking down that empty lane all seems hours longer, kilometres further than usual.  How odd, how odd company can be, to make the darkness fade.  It brightens the day with warm light.



Drawn by ~Pineapple-Snail


You broke my heart,

You crushed my trust,

You took what was mine,

And threw it into a fire,

Stamping on it,

Putting it out,

Like it didn’t matter.

I believed you when you said,

You are our saviour.

I believed you when you said,

You’ll help us.

I believed you when you said,

I’ll save you.


I gave it, to you,


I gave it, without thinking,


You gave it,

In volumes,

Waves at a time,

Torrents of blood,

And a stampede,

Greater than the destruction

Caused by the world shaking.

I hate you,

To the bone,

I hate you,

So much, I turn,

To hate you with a knife,

To cut.

But I won’t cut you,

Not you.

I will cut,

Not my heart

Though it is crushed,

Not my wrist,

From which my people’s life-

Blood flows.

I will turn,

And take my hair,



The people’s symbol,

The symbol of my womanity.

I will grab it tight,

I will pull it to the side,

I will cut it,

Cut it,

With that knife used for meat,


Carving wood.

I will cut my hair,

To save those

I love dearly,

And for my own sake.

I am a phoenix,



Reborn again.

I will not be bound

I will not be “just a woman”

I will become “legend”

In place of you.

The picture above was drawn by my friend, as one of my beloved besties, I got to see the original sketch.  And I got inspired.  Result: the above poem.  She’s an awesome artist, and like me (when I draw) she was planning to add fire to the background, but changed her mind at the last moment because she was scared of destroying it.   In my head though, I see this image with blazing fire.

I Hear You.

I am surrounded

By a cacophony of voices,

So loud,

They suffocate me.

I cannot breathe,

And my chest is bursting.

I cannot see,

So I am frightened

As I look for,

What I am looking for.

I close my eyes,

Pieces come alive,

Piecing together,



What I can’t see.

They come together,

One at a time,

One voice is mine,

One voice is yours.

I hear your voice,


Through the smoke and haze,




I hear you.

I Came Across The Sea.

I came across the sea with nothing in my mind,

Except that I would find you.

I didn’t know how,

I didn’t know where,

All I knew you were here,

Where the world was prospering,

And the gold was flowing.

Why didn’t you tell me to come?

Why didn’t you come home?

Why were your letters,


And briefer,

With each passing letter?

Do I know?

I think I know.

I think deep down,

I already felt,

The breaking,



Tie that bound us together.

I think,

I knew,

The day and month,

When I had not received a word,

Or a telegram,

A passing desire,

Or that you’re longing for me,

That you didn’t love me anymore.

I guess you shouldn’t have gone,

I guess I should have come,

Rather than stay in my comfort zone,

Knowing that we were in love,

Knowing that your heart was still mine,

And mine alone.

But it was never mine,

Was it?

I was just someone you married,

For the sake of convenience,

And I can’t even complain,

When you’re with another woman,

That you should love me,

And not her,

Because we both knew,

This is how it was.

And this,

Is how I found you,

Because you are striking,

In that kind of way.

You may have loved me once,

Or thought I was okay,

But now you don’t


Or feel

What you should


If you did feel

One ounce of guilt,

It barely showed

On your face,

To you,

I was just a convenience,

Who shouldn’t have been there at all.

Yet, I opened your door,

At the discretion of the man,

Who’d led me there,

Out of pity,

Most likely.

Out of lust,


Because I know,

I am not hideous to look at,

Nor is my figure not undesirable,

It is just you who can’t look at me,

And love me more than lust.

You let that man guide me,

Right to the door,

Of your betrayal.

I hope you have a good life,

In the arms of that scandalous woman,

When I divorce you,

And take what’s mine,

I hope you have a good life,

Because it’s your name,

That’s ruined now.

Not mine.

I would never be so stupid,

Knowing this would be how it turned out.


I wish,

I had not come across the see,

In search of a man,

Who was supposed to be my husband,

Searching for a fortune,

To add to what we had.

I wish,

I had been stronger,

To marry someone I loved,

And not someone for convenience.



I Want To Play.

My fingers,

Light across the strings,

The music,

Plays in my ear,

My heart is wide open,

To the sounds of those near.

They listen,

To the music I play,

In conjunction,

With the song,

That we are playing.

I am engrossed,

In the song,

Of passion,

And love.

I am soaring in,

An endless love,

It’s heated with,

The taste of passion,



I can’t follow the rhythm,

That the music is taken,

It’s fast,




And then it flies,

Like a kiss,

That’s warmer than the sun,

Than the feel of strong arms,

Than safety itself.

And then it stops.

We stop.

We breathe.

We watch.

The audience is waiting.

Their breath is held,



Then we start again,

Gently at first,



We bring our lovers together,

Playing time,

Playing differently,

Playing all in all.

It rises with love,

And soars with happiness,

Taking on life itself,

And then it drops,



Until we are at the end.

And we play,

The final,


Lonely tune.

Just one half left,

Alone, but contented,

It waits at the side,

Counting the nights,

And the days,

Until the petal drops,

Landing on a grave.

And I play,

The final note,

Just as I wanted it,

Leaving it to hang,

In the air,

Long and lastingly.

Where Will We Meet?


I check my watch,

Tapping my feet,

Unable to stand still,

So I sat.

But I can’t seem to sit,

Because I can’t stop checking,

The time that passes on my watch.

Where will we meet?

I’d asked.

By the fountain,

You said.

And me,

Not wanting to prove,

That I have several,



And very stupid,

Insecurities about this,


And smiled,



Why not?

What a stupid thought,

That was,

To arrive,

Half an hour early,

I have to say,

I hate being late.

I have to say,

It was my fault,

I’m sure he would have come earlier,

If only I said so.

But I was too stubborn.

So this is my own fault,

For feeling anxious,






You show up.

I can tell,

From the shocked expression

On your face,

You didn’t expect me to be early,

Much less

Cold from waiting.

He says nothing,

But takes off his jacket,

And wrap it around my shoulders.

Where will we meet?

If I never asked that,

Then I guess this never would have happened,

I laugh,

I can’t believe it.

I’m so relieved.

Modern Day Juliet.

It was never meant to be,

The two of us,


Living in harmony.

I’m a Lady,

And you’re little better than a servant.

But somehow,

With the passing seasons,

The time you spent at my side,

Watching me carefully,

Making sure I didn’t fall.



Fell in love with you.

It was never meant to be,

The way we were together,

Sharing light kisses,

Bordering on passion,

And love,

I tried to hide it,

To save myself,

And to save you.

I treated you like a toy,

Toyed with you,

Kissed you,

Embraced you.

I wanted you too much,

I should have let it go.

But it’s not suppose to happen in this era,

Not in this life,

When people call themselves modern.

It should have been fine,

But it wasn’t.  somehow,

Some way along,

We became,

A modern day love story,

A tragedy,

Not unlike,

Juliet and her Romeo.

The Countess.


She strode across the courtyard distancing herself.  She peered into her reticle, ignoring all others.  She was the centre of attention, as she drew out a piece of paper.  It had been placed there, somewhere between home and here.  And she could guess how.

It read, meet me in forest at noon. I’ll be waiting.


We Met Under The Stars.

At the height of my career,

I took a walk under the stars.

My eyes were filled with wonder,

Of a life I could have known,



I could have walked a thousand miles.

We met under the stars,

On an unusually clear night,

When the world was spinning,

At a ferocious rate.

I felt hopeless,

Looking at the stars,

I wondered,

Where is the start?

But there you were,



Gazing at the stars.

They twinkled in your eyes,

Were the blush on your cheeks,

And I wondered,

How could you be so happy?

But you just smiled at me,

As if it was nothing in the world.

You took my hands,

Like I was your friend,

And wished good will on me.

It was not a blessing,

But a gift.

A present,


In exchange,

Would mean I would never see you again.

Who are you?

Who I met under the stars,

And found my hope for the future.

But who are you?

To this you answered,

“Just the person you met under the stars,”

And I believed you.

Too bad I didn’t know,

That the first time I met my boss,

At a moment when I thought,

Just thought,

Wistfully and sadly,

That I would never see you again,

You appeared.

In front of my eyes,

You stood,

Looking hot,

And rather,


In a suit and tie,

Unlike the trackies you wore

Under the stars.

I never thought I’d see you again,

Much less,

In the workplace where I found joy again.

I never thought it would be because of you,

Who I met,

Under the stars.

In The Time Of Forever.

This is a long one, enjoy!


We were just kids,

The time we made that promise.

A promise of forever,

To love and live,


Why is this world a sad place?

Of pain and conflict,

Misunderstandings and mistakes.

We cherished our love,

And believed in the past,

When we used to hold hands,

Getting all muddy,

And swimming in a lake.

As the years pass us by,


We grow older.

We grew older.

I grew shy, avoiding his eyes,

He grew wary, afraid to show me his love.

I stopped being boyish,

Growing into my girlhood,

Even if I was still a tomboy at heart.

He grew muscles, and a ratty attitude,

Hitting on girls,

And playing soccer like there was no tomorrow.

But I didn’t stop loving him,

Even if he did,

Breaking my heart,

And our promise,

We parted ways.

I went to one highschool,

And he went to another,

Our eyes chasing the other’s back,

Watching their fading silhouettes,

But never,

Never catching the eyes.

I cried,

The eternal promise,

A fading memory.

In the time of forever,

It seemed like love was lost,

And then,

From kisses shared, by a different other,

Their eyes,

The boy’s and the girl’s,

Looked above their partner’s heads,

From the side,

In secret,


Still looking for each other.

My pride has overcome me,

His guilt surpasses him,

Both unable to connect again,

Their paths never crossing,

Never meeting.

And then,

The wind blows,

With the blooming sakura,

Floating in on a spring afternoon.

I look out the window,

My laughter dying,

As I stand in shock.

I am pale.

My friends are giddy.

My classmates, jeering,

Because they don’t know.

He sees me,

Looking from above,

And I see the recognition.

He waves, but,

I know it’s not for me,

It’s for the girls around me.

Just like that half-smile.

Just like that stance.

I snap something along the lines,

“He’s just a guy, stop your gaggling,”

And they called me a party pooper.

But I don’t care.

I haven’t forgotten.

It wasn’t my fault.

It was his.

He saw her briefly, or at least,

A girl like her,

And his heart moved an inch.

He looks for her,

Finds her,

Leans over her in need and want,

His words, teasing and almost cruel.

He was in love with her.

But they had just been kids.

And they grew up.

She pushes him away,

Her face blushing red.

How can such a simple misunderstanding,

The result of time passed,

Cause such a problem?

She pushes him away,

Every day,

Whenever she can,

She hates him,

So she says.

He let’s go of her hand,

Stunned in shock.

Those words,

They shouldn’t have hurt,

But they did,

For both of them.

She runs away,

Caught by surprise,

There are tears on her face.

In the time of forever,

Their paths cross constantly.

There is never a moment when they are not alone,

Not next to each other,

Not near each other.

It is a curse,

A blessing,

An unspoken comfort.

I can’t look away from him,

Even though I know,

He doesn’t love me,

They way I still love him.

And I know I’m stupid,

For letting him walk next to me again,

But I can’t help it.

Because we were kids,

When we made that promise,

Now we’re adults, old enough

To make a distinction,

About the past and

About the future.

And like before,

Even if my heart is broken,

I want my future,

To be with him.

And my ice shell begins to melt,

It drips,

Slips away,

Looking for another place.

But I’m not the only one,

Losing my shell,

Transforming back into a past,

Yet still being a future.

He is losing his shell too,

From the way he only focuses on me.

I had wanted to ignore it,

But he never stopped once,

Not even in front of the other girls,

Or when he saved me from them,

Shielding me with his body,

Without asking my permission.

But I was grateful,

It felt like our childhood all over again,

Good or not,

I let him walk me home.

In the time of forever,

This is the moment we would always remember,

The gentle breeze coaxing,

The sun shining,

And the sly glances to the side.

Our hands would brush,

But I would pull away,

And brush,

And pull away,

Not because I didn’t want to,

But because,

Even then,

Old feelings are hard to hide.

At least, until,

The ex-girlfriend enters the scene.

I slap him,

And she slaps him,

But we aren’t in synchrony.

I want him, but

He doesn’t seem to want me.

I walk away,



He jerks me back.

I want to tell him,

We are not friends,

We are not kids,

He can’t bully me,

Twist me,

Turn me any way he wants.

But he kisses me,

Hugs me,

Refuses to let me go.

I don’t feel like a kid.

I don’t even feel like childhood friend.

“I love you,” he said.

“I love you,” he repeats.

Only you.

I weep,

Because I’m an idiot,

Who loves him too.

In the time of forever,

We should never forget,

That we have one life,

To live and be,

That we can’t waste,

On an eternity

Of pondering and missed chances,

Mistakes and misunderstandings.

I love him,

He loves me.

We promised to be together,

And to live forever,

Just for him,

And just for me.


I’m just lucky,

I suppose, that

In the time of forever,

When we should have said things earlier,

I never thought,

That he would ever come back to me.

When We Fall In Love…

We expect to make progress,

We chase after our crushes,

And involve them in ourselves,

Teasing them,

Laughing with them

And sharing intimate moments,

At the appropriate time.

We just are,

Doing as we please,


We have fallen in love.

Who knew,

It could hurt,

Knowing that they love someone else?

And that they knew that you loved them?

It seems unreal,

The possibility,


The existence,

Of a love triangle.

But it happens,

And though he loves her,

He starts to love you too,

And he can’t choose,

Between you or her.


You want him to choose,

Because you can’t let go,

Because it’d hurt to let go.

How is it hard,

To choose between them?

You know it’s wrong to try,

To keep your crush to yourself,

Knowing that those two have,

Mutual feelings.

It doesn’t matter that he’s wavering towards you,

Because he likes your smile,

And your teasing manner.

But he loves her,

The way she laughs,

The way she’s kind,

The way she’s not afraid,

So you should step back.

You’re the one not needed.

But you’re the one who also has,


When we fall in love,

Morals and honour,

Seem to fall away.

Love is like a curse,

Clinging to the death day.

But it’s also beautiful,

When the feelings are right,

And the time is right.

You’re hurting,

You’re cruel,

Doing everything you can,

To split them up,

But you know it’s wrong,

And yet it hurts.

It hurts so much,

So much,

You wish you’d never fallen in love.

But it’s only the beginning,

Watching them,

Even as your heart falls to pieces,

You realise,

“I can’t do that for him”

But that doesn’t mean

He wasn’t the one.

The one,

You think,

Can’t just be “one”.

The one,

You think,

Will come again,


Even though the guy you liked,

Loved another,

And broke your heart,

A little carelessly,

Put up with your stupid stunts,

And still protected the girl he loved,

Lying, for a man,

Not for himself,

But for her,

Is definitely the good guy,

You fell in love with.

So you know,

Out there,

There will be someone,

Who’ll fall in love,

Only with you.

Next time,

Even if it’s sad,

You won’t be the other girl.

Next time,

You’ll be the it girl.


That’s what happens,

When we fall in love.


If I said goodbye first,

Would you think I was mean?

If I said it last,

Would you think it meant nothing?

If we said it at the same time,

Does it show what I feel for you?

What if I told you,

I don’t want to say goodbye?

What if I said,

See ya later,


Would you be hurt,

Would you think I was distant?

I don’t want to say goodbye.

I don’t want to miss you.

I refuse to go to your party,

If it means I have to say goodbye.


It’s such a final word,

With “good,”

Meaning something not bad,

And “bye”

Meaning “cya.”

You’re my friend,

My lover,

My one true love,

I can’t say goodbye.

Not even if I was Juliet,

Or Snow white,

Put me to death,

And it’s still not goodbye,

Because I will find you,

In this life,

Or the next,

I won’t say goodbye,

Not ever.

But I will say,

“See ya later,”

Even if,

The next time we meet,

We’re not friends,

Or lovers,

Or even in love anymore.

I’ll be glad,

All the same, for the fact,

That I saw you again.

When We Were Together.

For a friend…


When we were together,

All I could do was cry.

If we were in love,

Why was I more miserable,

Than happy?

When we were together,

I was the one always waiting,

Dressed prettily,

For only you.

I wanted you to ask me out,

To go on a date,

To spend some time.

If we were in love,

Where were you all the time?

I’m not a clingy person.

I don’t want to take all your space,

But you’re supposed to love me,

You’re supposed to show me you care.

Don’t leave me behind,

Like an old dish rag.

When we were together,

I told you I love you,

And you always said “Me too.”

If we were in love,

Then you should have said

At least once,

“I love you,”

Then maybe,

You would have deserved my trust.

When we were together,

I defended you,

When everyone else,

Said bad things behind you.

Because we were together,

I defended you,

But you didn’t deserve that trust.

You didn’t even trust me,

Not even thinking,

About whether or not,

I needed to be trusted.

If we were in love,

I shouldn’t have had to.

You wouldn’t need to be defended,

Because your eyes,

Wouldn’t even think,

About betraying me.

When we were together,

You never looked at me properly.

If we were in love,

Then you should have cherished me.

I may not be a doll,

Not porcelain,

Not china.

But I am a girl,

With a heart and feelings,

That will break and hurt,

Even though you don’t see it.

You should know,

I am—


Your girlfriend.

When we were together,

There weren’t all bad memories,

That I will give you.

If we were in love,

Then all my memories,

Would have been happy,

But now it’s ended.

I am so glad,

Because I won’t cry anymore,

I won’t stress anymore,

Won’t send pointless messages,

Under the pretense of a relationship.

I am so glad this has ended,


When we were together,

We were never in love.


I have faith,

In the future of tomorrow.

I don’t need to cry,

For the lost love,

That was mine.

He might have said,

“I love you,”

And I might have said,

“I love you too.”

But I never knew,

That I could feel this sorrow,

This pain of never ending today,

With multiple tissues,

And endless,

Crying telephone calls.

I will only cry for one day.

I will only cry for myself.

I will not cry for the lost love,

For he lost my love,

He should cry for me.

Tomorrow, I will hang up my past,

Put away the tissues,

Wipe my nose,

Hold out my hand.

I will take the gift that tomorrow brings,

And cup it in my hand.

It is golden bright,

Shining and twinkling in the daylight.

I will kiss it,

Inhale it,

Live it.

Because I deserve a better love.

I deserve a better tomorrow.

No more crying.

No more anguish.


Just tomorrow,

The future, I embrace it.