There Is A Song.

There is a song

Going round

And round

In my head.

There are notes

Being strung

One by one

Two by two

Three in time

With each other.

There is a feeling

Spreading like wildfire

Running through my veins

Singing in my ears

Beating the hard,

Iced heart in my chest,

Cracking,

Splitting

Shattering.

It explodes with a roaring burst

Setting fire to the soul,

Inflaming the core,

Cultivating a corpus

A repertoire

Of words that exceeds

The word of mouth,

The glistening light in the eyes,

The gesture of the hands…

I know what I want,

But I hold back,

And the song swells mournfully

In my head,

Speaking unreason

And reason

Two words at a time,

Soothing

Screaming

Right

Wrong

Hesitant

Fearful

When I should be fearless,

When,

All I have to do…

Is reach out my hand

And reach for the stars,

And hear the song

That is forever going on

And on

In my head,

In my heart,

Filling my very soul

Until I have you,

Right here,

In front of me,

Mine.

Hope.

There is hope it seems….

He looks up, the tear that had once slid down his cheek now slid up, slowly and disbelievingly.  His blue eyes looked up to the heavens, as clear as the water that pooled around him.  The sky was parting above him.  Opening its pillow soft folds like the ribbons of icing on top of a cake being pushed against its grain.

All around him the world was crying backwards.  Raining upside down.  Returning life’s drink to its giver, creator, maker.  All the while, the girl who lay where he knelt remained as still as a carving.

His hand lay on her chest, the other supporting him as he leant back in undisguised awe.

Not so long ago he had her in his arms, alive, breathing.   They’d been drenched from swimming in the lake.  He’d had his arms around her waist, her small waist, and his forehead against his.  She was his love, his one and only.  Not beautiful, not ugly, but her heart as pure as gold.  The way she looked up at him with those brown eyes, set in a face not remarkable at all.  But there she was, looking at him, sharing his breath, breathing with him, all while they were in the water.

It was sin for him to be this way.  He was her guardian.  Her protector, and yet, through sheer coincidence and much protection, he had fallen in love with her.  His sweet angel.  His hands held her cheeks, and brushed away her tears.

He had whispered, “You’re mine.”  Possession had never been the intention, he hadn’t known that love could be possessive.  It was raw to him.  New to him, but he liked it.  He liked her, he liked everything that said her.  Did they, they who were his masters say that he should not, cannot fall in love?  Was he not an angel of goodness?  Did he not do everything when asked?

He held her close and said, “I love you.”

They sat what felt like hours in the day.  The sun beat down on their fair skins but neither of them had cared.  Just like she didn’t care that her dress was soaked, or that he was shirtless.  She hadn’t cared.  What she’d cared about were his wings.

Great arches of whiteness that extended from his shoulders.  They had wrapped around them in the water.

The water didn’t ripple.  It wasn’t cold either.

His hand was always much bigger than hers and he always enjoyed catching her small hands.

She’d known always that they weren’t destined to be happy.  They love she’d said was destined to be a tragedy, if they didn’t stop.  But in the water, she’d looked up at him with those eyes and she knows, just as he knows that they could never be a part.  They loved each other.  He knew it was better to stop this now.

“We’ll always be together,” she said, even though the knowledge was in her eyes.  He knew that she couldn’t be selfish.  She was always altruistic, it was why she was given a guardian angel in the first place.

“But you are my guardian angel.  I cannot compromise your duty, as you cannot compromise mine.”

Even as she said it, he could feel his blessing-given heart breaking.  Did his master not want his warrior guardians to be happy too? Was he selfish for thinking so?  He held her small shoulders.  And ran circles with his thumbs.

There was never a moment more where he felt so selfish.  He was an angel, an angel of the deity, but also, he was a guardian angel.  His duty was to protect.  His path was not love.  But here she was.

Was true love selfish?

“I’m thinking of communing with him to change my guardian angel.”

The world from below his feet then.  He didn’t want to lose his duty.  But the Master would give her what she asked, then call him into question.

But he was always watching.

The Master had always asked for hope from his guardian angels.  He had always said that hope is what they should give, if there was anything ever to be given.

But he could not give hope to her.  He knew as she knew that they needed the master’s blessing.  But the Master would not give his guardian angel a blessing if his guardian angel was the one to blame.  She was the golden girl.  Pure and simple.

She had needed a guardian not a lover. And he had failed her.  Why was that wrong?

[I wrote this story a long time ago, and reading over it, I find it questions something others might find either offensive or disagreeable, sooooo I’m sorry if  I do offend someone because it might infer religion and religious views. Please don’t take it personally, I just wanted write an innocent story about a girl and her protector who promises to protect eternally, yet in the end, cannot.  I wanted to write a story about reality, the ups and downs.  I hope you enjoyed it. ]

Quote #95

Lady Gaga

 

From Lady Gaga…

“Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams. If you’re wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn’t love you anymore.”

Cheekiness

Is taking the mickey out of someone you care,

Because you loved them to pieces,

To the point of teasing, and flirting,

Like a monkey bouncing to and forth,

Purely for fun, purely for love.

The Time Travellers.

He travels through time,

Unceasingly, gathering knowledge,

Turning the time in his hand.

 

She travelled through time,

Once too often, seeking for someone,

Turning the time around her wrist.

 

He travels through time,

Becoming a genius,

Aware that he is lacking something.

 

She travelled through time,

Following her heart,

To the centre of the universe.

 

He travels through time,

Being drawn by an unforeseeable force,

Controlled by a desire.

 

She travelled through time,

Clutching her wrist,

Her heart out of control.

 

He travels through time,

Stopping every year,

Looking left and right.

 

She travelled through time,

Unbeknownst to her,

That she was searching for that someone.

 

He travels through time,

His hands itching,

Knowing he’s close.

 

She travelled through time,

And then she stopped,

Engulfed.

 

He travels through time,

His heart suddenly breaking,

He clutches it.

 

They travel through time,

Unknowing,

That they were passing each other.

 

They travel onwards,

Backwards,

Constantly looking, drawn by some force.

 

They travel forever,

Forever time travels,

Ageless and age old.

 

They travel eternally,

Looking for each other,

Drawn by fate, never reaching.

 

Lovesickness

Is incurable, yet constant,

To the extent of heartbreak,

And disappointment of missing, it is painful,

Painless, to watch from afar,

The source of my feelings, that explode.

Autumn Darkness.

 

The sky darkens earlier, and the rain pours more frequently.  The sun shines and moods fade easily.  Going to work, going to uni, walking down that empty lane all seems hours longer, kilometres further than usual.  How odd, how odd company can be, to make the darkness fade.  It brightens the day with warm light.