Going to Uni.

 

I take my seat, drink my coffee, feel invigorated.  I’m ready.  The lecturer begins talking.  It’s not long before my eyes droop.  I jerk up. I’m awake.  Seriously.  But they keep talking, as expected.  Still, the coffee can’t fight my desire to doze.  I jerk up again.  It’s interesting, really, just boring to listen to.

 

First Date.

Is not like the novels.

We agree too quickly,

Get too excited,

Find too much to fret about,

Worry about likes,

And dislikes,

And conversation

And so on.

We panic,

When we pick our clothes,

And the shoes and bags to match.

We put our hair up,

Then take it down.

Make up?

No make up?

Skirt?

Pants?

Casual?

Formal?

Ahhhhhhh

What to do?

You know this guy,

Flirted with this guy,

Got close to this guy.

You like this guy,

He likes you, maybe

And he’s seen you in good,

And bad dress.

So why are you freaking out?

You breath.

One day,

Twenty four hours,

You fret,

Insensibly,

Completely opposite your character,

And thinking too far ahead,

Smiling,

Then reproaching yourself for thinking ahead,

Every is, this first date.

And then you worry,

And worry,

And worry,

Because you haven’t seen him in a while,

What will he think?

Yet,

He asked you out.

It should be fine.

You wear a dress

That’s pretty and casual.

You leave your hair down and

Dress your face lightly.

And you pick the simplest accessories,

Because you want to look natural.

An hour.

You pace,

In fear and anxiety,

Unable to breathe,

Unable to see.

Yet you take the train,

The bus,

The tram,

The road,

To the meeting place.

He’s already there,

Not looking at you,

But definitely waiting.

It’s that moment,

You see,

At the beginning of the first date,

When he smiles,

A smile,

That you love,

That you know,

You had nothing to worry about.

Life. A Rant.

When we are babes, all wrinkly and goop covered, we know nothing about life.  It is a mystery.  It is another word for ‘living’.  The opposite of death.  A word that can be paired with ‘essence’.  It is us and we are it.  It is our health bar on video games.  It deteriorates the more we lose the game.  It is alien.

And then we grow up.  We live.

We grow in body and soul.  We cry, we laugh, make friends and enemies, finds hates and loves.  We get overconfident.  We get unconfident.  We achieve.  We fail.  We try some new things and shy away from others.  And we fall.

Sometimes the burdens of what is called life are too much.  Sometimes we lose hope, giving into despair.  It crushes us, oppresses us, isolates us.  We feel hopeless, useless.  We want nothing, like nothing, feel nothing.  We are nothing.

But then some light guides us in the darkness, whether it comes straight away or after a long time, it guides us away from the darkness.  The light embraces us with the love that we know.  It gives us ambition, hope and purpose.

And we stand up again.  We push away the darkness and grab onto the light’s tail.  We will face life’s trials, one after another, no matter how long we are under the darkness.  We will prevail.  Even if some of us can’t.  We push on.  We are not afraid.  We will face every obstacle because we want to live.  We want to live so bad for those we love. We will even live for our enemies, for the fight, the revenge, for the satisfaction of the game of cat and mouse.

We live.

And then we are old.  We are wrinkly and gnarly.  Our hair is grey and our eyes a paler shade then what they used to be.  We smile over our photo albums and tell funny stories about those we love.  Our children love us.  Our grandchildren love us.  We are loved.  We are happy.  We may have a few regrets, not many though, so we are happy.

We dated the men we liked.  We married the man we loved.  We got our dream job after many tries and failures.  We changed our looks (looking away when it’s a disaster).  We made many friends and maybe a few enemies.  We went around the world, around the country, or even around our own backyard.  It’s been an adventure.  It’s been a life well lived.  And we are ready to say goodbye.

This is life.