Oh dear…this topic…I bring it up, sadly, because over the last few days, despite the scholarly book in front of me, and the articles up in various tabs on my computer, I haven’t felt like I’ve read much. Instead, I horrify myself by spending hours and hours on something else….namely, a little project in photoshop. I don’t know what possessed me to do so, but the other day, sometime either Thursday or Friday last week, I became obsessed with the idea of REALLY trying to create an indepth, detailed wallpaper. Though, this time, not for my own computer. I just used the 1366 x 768 dimensions as a foundation. I really don’t know what possessed me. It was spontaneous, nutty, and obsessive. And at the same time, it wasn’t like I wasn’t studying. I was. But that’s the problem you see, since although I did do reading, and I did scan through texts, I didn’t do half as much as I probably could if I spent the whole day focussed.
But well. From Bachelors to Honours to now, PhD, procrastination has become a bigger and bigger problem for me. And I know why. It’s because unlike my mum, I don’t believe in having to study all day. I believe in taking breaks. Spend an hour reading to a certain page of my book, then take an hour break. Or depending on the mood. If stressed, restrict my break time to lunch time, and spend the morning accomplishing a number of goals. More than anything, I hate feeling like I’ve done nothing! And so, for many years now, I’ve learnt that it’s important to have these mini goals. Today, I haven’t really done much. But yesterday, I made it a goal to finish off the last 30 odd pages of a book I was reading that had been suggested by my associate supervisor (down under, we have two supervisors, one is Main, and the other is the associate), and read one article, as well as go through a few pages of a text I’m looking at. I did that, and I also got a little further on something else.
Remember I said something came over me? Well this is what I was working on for many hours–thankfully I don’t study after dinner. I only study during the day when my head is screwed on tightest, unlike at night, where friends are prone to receiving, odd, nonsensical text messages from me–clearly, I can’t think half as well. The good thing about not being able to study in the evenings is that I can take on private tutoring and other night shifts for the moment. And on days with nothing like that of the sort, and since at current, my social life is nil since all my friends are busy with their own careers (there’s just something about this time of the year that has everyone in a frenzy), it’s a perfect time for working on other things. Such as digital art in Photoshop. I’ve always been interested in it, but never really had the courage or time to explore various techniques in the past. In the past, it was always much easier to just get out the sketchbook and draw with pencil and fineliner. These days I don’t have as much time (and apparently I stress less if I have the laptop in front of me….maybe it’s because everything is digitally stored in soft copy everywhere), and yet have more time to explore and experiment with photoshop.
And so when the desire hit, I just went with it. My nights over the last few days have been dedicated to this project, which! I will we be uploading onto my DeviantART Profile here: N-arteest with a full description and list of credits for the stock used. But for now, because I’m writing this here in a very brief procrastination post about procrastination, lord knows why I’m doing such a thing, I’ll post a few of the Work In Progress images ;). My dear readers, this is my little gift to you, and well, I’m just really glad it’s mostly finished now. I can’t believe it took around 12 – 14hrs approx to complete (mostly because I only worked on it at night, and I changed my mind several times, particularly about how it would look.)
The Original Concept
This is the original concept I had. I didn’t really know what I was doing, since I had all these beautiful stock images, some of which I blended together (Like on the right) yet, left me with no wiggle space as to what to do next. I was so frustrated by this, I didn’t know what to do, so I spent the next day…while reading, and trying to draw lines with all the dots of information I had for my PhD research, thinking about what I wanted to conceptualise in my wallpaper digital thingy!
I changed my concept to this. With a giant stone plinth covered in moss. And I started thinking of a ‘Which Way Alice’. Something that was also sparking in my head the day before, with all the paths I had laid out for the female. So what if I made a concept based on someone given a variety of choices? And then I started thinking about myself, and about the future, and about the choices we can all potentially make that might seem good, but aren’t. I mean, even in the original concept I was already considering the idea of making all the various paths seem innocent, yet really, in the depths, it’d show some silent warnings. The hidden dangers.
I’ve added the Archways here, and there, you can see the original concepts there too ^^. With ‘Alice’ looking on, perhaps wondering which way is the right way to go.
And the Last Screenshot here, the last sneak peak before the whole thing goes up on my DA, I’ve gone in for a close up. The lamp post. I didn’t know how I would do this part, but when I saw the stock, I knew I wanted a lamp post. I originally had a vague image in my head of signs surrounding Alice, each one saying something seductive about the various entrances. But in the end, this is what was conceived. A sign. And signs, with a few little touches. There’s what seems like blood, red paint of some such covering over the part of the signs that says ‘warning’, ‘danger’, and ‘the Future’. On the other side, there’s the sign labelling the Way Back. But of course, there’s a chicken standing on it.
In a way, this was kind of related to my PhD, not that I’m doing something based on Alice in Wonderland or anything. Nor is my research an art project. But there are similar themes between this and that that seem familiar to me, and in a way, for me to feel less guilty about spending so many hours procrastinating–which I still did because during the day, during breaks, I sometimes scrolled through a whole bunch of stock images when I should have been reading.
And well, yes, I should add here, to sign off for today, that it’s bad to procrastinate! But we all know that’s a lie. WE can’t help procrastinating. Rather, it’s how you manage it, how you tone down the stress and guilt, and do enough research, as well as take enough breaks that’s important. Burning out early on, with Passion turning into a Passionate Hate, isn’t how you want to spend the three-four years of your PhD.