A Thousand Things to Say #2 — Have a dream, even if it’s impossible, doesn’t mean you can’t have something a little impossible that you want to make possible.
Life is unpredictable.
I know as one gets older, chasing a dream becomes more and more like a dream and no longer a reality, especially when reality sinks in and we’re forced to make choices about our future. Plans are made, decisions are decided, and careers are begun, leaving behind the dreams that as children we had held onto so tightly. These days, as I wait, stuck in an in between place, I wonder about my future. I feel uneasy because I know the older I get, and the more steps I take towards a path aimed at providing income only and most likely no joy at all (I’m aware how narrow minded this sounds but I’m also aware that I’m a person who wants to be happy with her choice and will strive harder to find a happy place rather than settle with what I get), I move further and further away from my dream.
However, I always want to follow my dreams. It seems as I get older, my dreams grow in numbers. And while I have two main dreams I want to make reality, I know neither will be easy. Because life is unpredictable after all. As I kid, I had plenty of dreams, but you know, with life, half of them dropped away because they were just fanciful things that were said one day, but truthfully I, as a person, did not feel much of a desire to follow them. However, throughout my life, I’ve always had one main goal–rather this goal was born, left to rot, then years later picked up again and since, been cherished.
To me, I find it impossible to conceptualise (and I am highly aware that perhaps for some, having a dream and following it might not be the first priority) a person without a dream. When I asked my ex what his dream was, he didn’t have one other than the usual ‘to be rich’. To me, in him, I saw someone who wasn’t reaching for a higher goal, wasn’t striving to be more than the average person, didn’t really have a future goal. And while at the time, I was understanding and didn’t say much of it, in hindsight I know my own thoughts about his answer were unfair. Everyone’s dream is a different size. Not everyone will put chasing a dream first on their list. I know that. I don’t always remember it. But I do know it.
And it’s perfectly fine. But still, I think it’s good to have some sort of goal to chase after. Otherwise life will become just one long monotonous journey with little to look forward too. Or perhaps, I am just overthinking all of this, and being too pretentious for my own good.
Still, I can’t help it. I have had teachers in high school and tutors/Lecturers in university telling me, and saying that everyone should have a dream, something big to look forward to. Some have already achieved their dream, while others are still striving. For me, I could never articulate my dream aloud–I felt, and still feel if I say it aloud too often, it my just faded away and streak away from my outstretched fingers–and so often if this question came up in class, I would answer vaguely. In truth, that always irritated me, and even though I have told myself to say it aloud and not be afraid.
I am still afraid.
A perfectly human thing to think and feel. Because it’s not called a dream for no reason. We have dreams in our sleep, and are aspirations of our ideals and desires. There is no guarantee that our dreams can be reached. Just like you’re always bound to wake up from your dream and return to reality. Making a dream reality requires a lot of work, a lot of confidence in self, and I think, most importantly, the belief in yourself that you can surpass all your own fears and procrastinations to achieve that dream. Life is unpredictable. But if you know yourself, then it might just be possible to chase that little dream however big or small.
Hopefully you’re chasing/still chasing your dream too?